With its awesome parks, children’s museum, zoo, and family-friendly farmers market, Portland is a great city to be a single dad. But no matter where you live, single fatherhood has its struggles. As a recent widower, divorcé, or just a recent dad, you might be feeling lost in your new dual role. While it takes time for anyone to get the hang of single parenthood, this guide will help you through some of the tough questions.

Adjusting Career Expectations

If you were the primary breadwinner in your marriage, you probably had big goals for your career. Maybe you worked long hours chasing promotions or regularly traveled out of town to network at industry events. But now that you’re parenting solo, your weekends and evenings look a lot different. And as much fun as it is to spend Saturdays playing catch instead of catching up on email, it’s hard to give up the vision you had for your career.

You don’t have to give up on career advancement just because you’re a single dad, but you do have to approach it differently. Find an employer that lets you work flexible hours and who measures your accomplishments by what you get done, not how many hours you spend at the office. If you can’t find a company that provides the flexibility you need, consider self-employment.

Dating

Single dads are more like to date again than single moms, according to a report from the Pew Research Center. But when you’re trying to reenter the dating scene, it certainly doesn’t feel easy. You somehow have to find the time, money, and energy for dating on top of your parenting responsibilities. And when you do manage, there’s the guilt for spending a Friday night out instead of with your kids. Then there’s the question of when to introduce a love interest to your children, and if your partner has kids, introduce the kids to each other.

There’s no benefit to rushing into dating before you’re ready. However, it’s important to think of your answers to these questions, among others, before you start. And in the meantime, make friends with the other single dads at the park or join a single parents Meetup group. It’s good to have social interaction and support from people who understand your experience.

Managing Stress and Frustration

You never get time off — you’re either at work or at home taking care of your kids. It’s enough to drive anyone crazy, but you don’t have time to lose your cool. You have to be a well-adjusted parent to raise well-adjusted kids, after all. And while many fathers act stoic, bottling up their stress instead of dealing with it, everyone knows that a bottle can only take so much pressure before it explodes.

Rather than avoiding difficult emotions, learn how to manage them. Behavioral Wellness and Recovery recommends arming yourself with strategies to quickly defuse stress. In their words, “It’s important to learn small ways to face that stress head-on and reduce it no matter where you are, because having effective coping mechanisms handy will allow you to get through even the most challenging times. You can use your new skills to immediately start feeling better, and to prevent the emergence of chronic mental health problems.”

Being a single dad is the hardest job you’ll ever have. But it’s also the most rewarding, meaningful, and strength-building thing you’ll ever do. To do it well, it’s important to balance your personal needs on top of your children’s. Make room in your life for the things you need — a rewarding career, a supportive social network, a strong mind — and your children will reap the rewards of a happy, healthy parent.

Guest blog written by Daniel Sherwin.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Sunset Pediatrics.

This blog is not a substitute for medical advice. Be sure to talk to your child’s medical provider with any questions.